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Halloween can be fun AND safe! Get creative to celebrate the holiday while preventing the spread of COVID-19.
While risk can’t be avoided completely, we can take steps to ensure we are minimizing risk as much as possible. Here are some ideas for fun and safe alternatives to trick-or-treating:
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- Hide Halloween candy or small treats around your home or backyard and send kids on a Halloween candy hunt!
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- Start a new family tradition of having a spooky Halloween dinner together. Have kids get involved in cooking or setting the table as appropriate.
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- Carve or decorate pumpkins with friends or neighbors at a safe distance outside, and show off your creative designs.
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- Get crafty with your kids and create fun and festive Halloween decorations for your home.
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- Host a virtual costume contest with other families or relatives so kids can show off their costumes!
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- Create a scavenger hunt for Halloween- or fall-themed items around your neighborhood. Walk around as a family and point out fun decorations or pretty fall leaves.
- Queue up a Halloween movie night at home. Make it special with themed snacks and drinks, or build a comfy fort together with blankets and pillows.
If you do decide to go trick-or-treating, it is important to avoid going door-to-door to multiple households, where it can be difficult to socially distance and the risk of exposure is higher. Instead, limit your area to a friend’s house or other small, familiar area to stay safer.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention stress the importance of wearing protective masks whenever you are in the presence of others. When trick-or-treating, ensure that everyone in the family is wearing a cloth or surgical mask (not just a costume mask). Do not have children wear a costume mask over a cloth or surgical mask as this can make it hard for them to breathe.
After returning home from trick-or-treating, have the entire family wash hands thoroughly for at least 20 seconds and lay out collected candy on a clean surface for a few hours to allow time for any virus on the candy to die.
From all of us at Kids’ Turn San Diego, we wish you a fun and safe Halloween!
Source: Kaiser Permanente
Self-care can have a real impact on your mood. Take time to take care of yourself so you can feel your best.
Taking care of yourself and supporting your friends can make the difference between a good day and a not-so-good day. Try out these tips for taking care of yourself so you can be your healthiest and happiest.
10 Self-Care Strategies for Teens
- It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Focus on what you can CONTROL, like your breathing, staying in the present and disconnecting from all forms of media.
- Spend time outside, even if you’re avoiding crowds. Wear a mask and social distance.
- Engage in mindfulness activities, such as starting a gratitude journal or preparing your favorite meal without distractions.
- Reach out and connect with someone supportive in your life.
- Practice self-care in whatever form works for you. This could include exercising, reading, listening to music, meditating, or getting adequate sleep.
- Make a list of your favorite songs or movies, and share the list with your friends. Maybe even create a throwback song list and listen to it together or with your parents.
- Challenge negative beliefs about change.
- Find new ways to connect with your friends. Social distancing should not mean social isolation!
- Make your space comfy and cozy with a soft blanket, relaxing lighting, and objects that make you happy or remind you of happy memories.
- Set boundaries with your media consumption and use your extra time to engage in meaningful conversations.
Teen Apps for Self-Care
- Try out the self-care tools and resources on GritX
- MyLife offers over 400 activities for managing stress, sleeping better and finding calm
Mental Health Resources
National Suicide Prevention Line
- 800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line
- Text TALK to 741741 to text with a trained counselor for free
California Warmline
- 1-855-845-7415 available 24/7
- A non-emergency resource for anyone seeking emotional support
The Trevor Project
- TrevorLifeline: 1-866-488-7386
- Text TREVOR to 1-202-304-1200
- TrevorChat: via thetrevorpoject.org
National Domestic Violence Hotline
- 1-800-799-7233
- Text LOVEIS to 22522
- Resources for teen dating abuse
Child Abuse Hotline
- 1-800-344-6000 available 24/7
- If you or a friend is being hurt or neglected
- Define your network and your plan to stay safe
- Strategies to help cope with stress and anxiety
Effective and healthy communication is vital to the health and wellbeing of your children during this COVID-19 season.
The decision to have your child attend physical or virtual school is difficult for any family, but separated families may face additional complications during this process. In an environment where communication may already be strained, families experiencing separations and/or divorce may encounter high stress and anxiety. Effective and healthy communication is vital to the health and wellbeing of your children during this COVID-19 season. In order to assist you and your family’s journey through this transitional period, we recommend utilizing the acronym “APPLES” to help get your children (and yourself!) ready for the school year.
Acknowledge
Acknowledge the fears of both parents and children. We understand that parents have different views and opinions of physical and virtual schooling. Recognize that you, your co-parent, and/or child may have some anxiety about going back to school. If there is conflict on the type of schooling for your child, we recommend having open discussions. Co-parents must listen to each other and to their child in order to determine the most appropriate type of schooling. For young children, Sesame Street produces videos that help children express their feelings in a healthy manner. Click here to watch one of their videos.
Prepare
Prepare children for what they can expect when going back to school (in person or virtually). If your child is going back to school in person, discuss and practice what will happen when school starts. Discussion topics can include the importance of wearing masks and maintaining social distancing from friends and teachers, washing hands, how they feel about going back to school, and understanding that some friends may/may not be at school. Massachusetts’s Department of Mental Health has a great “back to school” social story template that you can use to prepare your child for school during COVID-19.
For those attending school virtually, the same discussion topics are important. We would encourage adding a discussion on why your child is not attending school in person and asking your child how they feel about that. It’s important to have an ongoing conversation with your child on what COVID-19 is and how your child feels about it. We want to ensure that children receive enough information so they feel empowered, but not too much information where they are in fear. San Diego County has some great resources that help talk to your children about COVID-19.
Check out this helpful video from San Diego Family Mediation Center on how co-parents can develop a new co-parenting plan in light of alternative school formats this year.
Plan
We understand that scheduling is a commonly source of frustration for families experiencing separation or divorce; however, familiarity, structure and routines are important to the mental and physical health of children. Continue to communicate and work with your co-parent to create and maintain a schedule so that your child can have consistency during this period of uncertainty. Note that structure looks different for children of various ages and learning capabilities; therefore, schedules and routines should be adjusted to the needs of your child. Check out this link from the CDC for tips on how to build structure.
Live Healthy
Continually staring at a screen is strenuous for both adults and children. If your child is with you during this period, take “recess” together! Go for a walk, do brief fitness challenges, do a meditation/prayer/breath break, color, or attend “PE” with your child if they are attending virtual school. Continue to eat healthy, exercise, and get adequate sleep for both you and your child. Both your child’s health and yours are important!
Examine
Keep an eye out for signs of stress and anxiety in you and your child. COVID-19 is a stressful for everyone. Maintain lines of communication with your co-parent so you may be more aware if your child is showing signs of stress and anxiety. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) offers articles on behavioral changes to watch out for in adults, children and teens.
To understand what some youth may go through, check out the video “Numb” made by Liv McNeil, a 9th grader, on feelings of isolation during quarantine. It is a powerful video and only 3 minutes and 22 seconds, and it may give you a glimpse of what some youth are experiencing.
Synergy
We understand that this is a total business buzzword, but it fits for family life! This is the time for co-parents and children to cooperate and work together in order to create an environment that will support not only your child’s mental health and education but will be beneficial to your lives as well. There are a lot of stressors due to COVID-19 and friction between family members is an added burden. We know it’s difficult, but try to maintain healthy communication with your co-parent and child and find productive ways to convey thoughts and feelings with each other.
This may seem overwhelming, but remember to take a deep breath and know that you have got this! We at Kids’ Turn San Diego commend and applaud you for your perseverance and dedication to your children during these uncertain times. If you want to improve communication skills with your co-parent and/or child, please check out one of our virtual Kids’ Turn San Diego Family Workshops! We teach healthy communication skills for both parents and your child. Click here for more information about our virtual program.
Often it's enough to just spend time together, talking, listening, and being close.
- Spending time together. As we are required to be at home much more than usual, take a breather from your laptop and take the opportunity to spend quality time with your child! Do fun physical exercises together such as the #60second punches or the “See 10, do 10” challenge on social media. You can even create an obstacle course that you can all enjoy! Play hide and seek or board or video games, or simply spend the time coloring and allowing your mind to relax. For teens who have TikTok, collaborate with them by practicing and filming a TikTok dance challenge. Your cool points will definitely go up! This is the time to strengthen your bond and be together as a family.
- Talk to them. With COVID-19, the summer of 2020 is full of uncertainties that children may not understand. Ask your children how they feel or if they have questions. For younger children, you can have them draw pictures of your family doing fun things together or create poems or stories about how they may be feeling. A few feeling words could be: happy, excited, anxious, worried or sad. Discuss the stories, poems or words with your child and ask your child if there is anything that would help make summer more fun. For older children, ask them what they think about current events and listen to their thoughts and feelings. Open up lines of communication between you and your child so that they can feel more comfortable expressing themselves now and in the future. Listen to your children without giving advice or trying to solve their problems. Work WITH your children to brainstorm and create a list or plan of fun things that they could do on their own or with you throughout the rest of the summer.
- Navigate close quarters. Having the entire family in the home for an extended period of time can put stress on any family. This may cause tension between parents or with children. Communication skills are vital in this situation. Practice using the “I Statement” communication technique with your family members. It works well with both adults and children. Regular check-ins (daily or every other day) can help alleviate some tension of being constantly in the home as well. “I Statements” are “I feel ______ when ______, please ______.”
- Chalk the Walk. Create beautiful chalk art on your driveway or neighborhood sidewalk to inspire your community. All that’s needed is sidewalk chalk and imagination!
- Visit a virtual museum like the San Diego Children’s Discovery Museum.
- Volunteer together! Check out opportunities here.
Written by: Sue Clark, Kids’ Turn San Diego Group Leader and Retired Teacher
As businesses are slowly re-opening and you may be out and about with your children, they will notice everyone wearing a face mask, some people will be wearing gloves, and they may see protests or people walking around with signs. Children may struggle to understand or cope. These internal struggles will most commonly be seen through an increase in emotional outbursts or behavior problems.
My daughter asked me to help her with organizing distance learning for her two teenage sons and 10 year old daughter while she and her husband worked from home. As a retired teacher, I was thrilled to help. I worked several times a week with our 10 year old granddaughter and was allowed to virtually enter into her new world of sheltering in place. It sure made me realize how difficult this new reality was for a family trying to work together amid so many new transitions.
As a grandparent, my message to my adult children is simple: “I love my Zoom time with my granddaughter, so when you need a short time to catch your breath, you can count on me! I may need help to learn at first, and I may need some technical assistance the first few times. But I want to learn, I want to help my granddaughter, and I want to help you! Let me help you catch your breath!”
As a retired teacher, I oftentimes look at resources related to children and learning. During a call with my daughter, she shared with me some information from the Child Mind Institute sent from a school principal on how to deal with behavior problems brought on by pandemic-related transitions in our lives. The article started with one very important question:
How are your children coping with these new transitions brought on by school and sports shutdowns, social distancing and social unrest?
Here are my thoughts: As businesses are slowly re-opening and you may be out and about with your children, they will notice everyone wearing a face mask, some people will be wearing gloves, and they may see protests or people walking around with signs. Children may struggle to understand or cope. These internal struggles will most commonly be seen through an increase in emotional outbursts or behavior problems.
When children have frequent emotional outbursts, it can be a sign that they haven’t yet developed the skills they need to cope with feelings like frustration, anxiety, and anger. Other children may seem to struggle more with boundaries and following rules. They may be defiant, ignore instructions or try to talk their way out of things that aren’t optional.
Coping requires impulse control, emotional self-regulation, problem-solving and being able to communicate one’s wishes and needs to others. Parents can aid in the process of helping children cope and learn to develop internal strengths that will help them navigate challenging times. For example, remember, children mimic their parents. If observing a protest, try to calmly adjust to your environment and answer your children’s questions in a factual way. This is an opportunity to educate them and to ask them what they think may be going on or, for older children, what they know about the protests or how they think or feel about them. Another encounter may occur when you’re in the store and someone sneezes. With the sneeze, you may be more fearful than your child so try and manage your own feelings. If you find yourself needing to say something, saying something simple like, “I’m glad we are wearing masks because that person just sneezed. The person is probably not sick but wearing masks will help keep us safe and healthy.”
Remember, it is normal right now to feel uneasy or worried about our community and how things will look in the future. To help your children during these times, be consistent, give warnings about transition times and turn off the TV/social media/devices when your children want to talk with you. This is a time to open your ears and truly listen to your children.
Here are some tips for helping children have days full of positive behaviors and happy smiles:
- Set clear expectations and write them out together. When children are given the chance to help create the expectations, they are more likely to follow them. We encourage you to make this a fun activity by inviting everyone to sit together, telling your children what you hope to accomplish, like “I asked everyone to come together because I’d like us to create new family rules/summer rules/no school rules—you can even create a new name together—so we all know who is responsible for doing what and when things need to be done.” Be positive and make it fun. “Let’s start with the easy things.” Start with rules/expectations you already have that everyone is already following and go from there. Encourage your children to brainstorm, like, “What needs to be done in the kitchen? Bathroom?” Remember that your children do not always know what you want or how you expect them to behave, so it is important to communicate your expectations.
- Schedule breaks for your children and yourself. Children respond best when they have breaks. We encourage you to be creative — snacks, water, jumping jacks, or a brainstorming session with your children about what movie to watch tonight or what book to read.
- Remember, children mimic their parents. No matter where you are or what you are doing, try to calmly adjust to your environment and answer your children’s questions in a factual way. Remain calm and model the behavior you want. It is also helpful to go into the room to talk with your child and avoid calling out from a distance.
- If your child is having a bad day, focus on what they are doing well and less on what they are doing wrong. Before commenting, it is best to wait until a meltdown or tantrum is over. As long as your child is in a safe place, it is okay to ignore these types of behaviors and pay attention for anything positive and then comment on the positive behavior. For example, if your child is refusing to do their math homework but is willing to work on spelling, forget about the math for now and praise your child for their spelling skills and how much you like it when they ask you for help with spelling.
- If you notice that your child has a hard time with a specific activity or situation, this may be a trigger of some emotion or behavior. It may be helpful to notice or think about what generally happens before that behavior and what may be triggering the emotional response. Noticing and understanding what may be causing the behavior may help you anticipate the trigger and hopefully prevent those behaviors from happening. If you do notice a consistent trigger for emotions and/or behaviors, try increasing communication around transition time and see if you notice anything different. Sometimes seeking professional assistance is helpful.
- Let kids have a choice. Do you want to shower before or after dinner? Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the green shirt? When giving choices, make sure you are okay with both options, otherwise you may be setting your child up for a lifetime of thinking they always make the wrong decisions or choices.
- When transitions are coming, provide a countdown for the transitions. “We have 20 more minutes here and then let’s start packing up.” Making a schedule together or using a calendar teaches your children how to prepare for change and transition.
- Learn to communicate with your children by listening to them. Let them express their feelings and ask questions that elicit a response other than a yes or no answer. However, be cautious about not asking too many questions. When your child gets home from school, instead of asking about homework first thing, maybe try, “What was the best part of your day today?” Listen and share something about your day. If there is a schedule for homework time, when that time is approaching, you could say, “Homework time starts in 10 minutes. About how much do you have tonight?”
- Teach your children to be kind and helpful by role modeling through your own kind and helpful behaviors. For example, when you see someone who is homeless, if you would typically judge them for how they look or what they’re doing, instead teach your child empathy. “Looks like that person may be really struggling. I hope they are healthy and have a place to sleep at night.”
- Try to remain positive in these difficult times, so your children will be upbeat and positive. It’s okay to tell your children every now and then that you are having a tough day and need to take a time out. Children learn that parents struggle sometimes too and you’re teaching them that time-outs help people settle down and refocus.
- Create routines. Children feel safest and most secure when there are routines and they know what to expect.
- Use rewards and lots of praise. Praise them every day and thank them when they praise you for something. Also, remember to encourage your children too. Say “You got this,” or “I know this homework is really challenging, but let’s do it together until we figure it out.” Encouraging your children shows them that you believe in them.
- Spend time engaging with your children every day so that they have quality time with you. Quality time is when your children feel heard and understood. Ask questions that require a response versus a yes or no answer. Questions could be, “Tell me about ___” or “What was the best part of your day today?” Whether you see your children every day or a couple times a week, put everything else aside and make your time about your children. Even if homework needs to be done, do a little, take a break and do something together and then get back to the homework. The breaks may be totally unrelated to homework or perhaps make the homework more fun by putting the alphabet, multiplication tables or biology terminology to song or dance. Your children will appreciate your flexibility and you will find homework time to go smoother and maybe even faster.
Children with parents in the military navigate unique challenges and frequent changes. Kids' Turn San Diego is here to support families through transitions and separations.
In honor of April, the Month of the Military Child, Kids’ Turn San Diego interviewed 12-year-old Taylor, the daughter of a dual-military couple, to get a glimpse into the life of a military child.
Q: What are some issues that you think military children specifically go through?
A: Some of the issues that military children specifically go through are moving to different schools, meeting new friends, leaving old friends, and getting rid of a lot of stuff that you’ve gotten attached to in order to fit in your new house.
Q: How do you think being a child in the military helped you?
I’m able to overcome difficulties and adjust to my surroundings. I’ve moved to so many places and I’m used to the different climates and situations. It’s easier for me to make friends and leave things behind.
Q: What would you like the public to know about military children?
It’s really hard on kids. They have the hardest lives because they move a lot, leave their friends and pets behind, and sometimes they have to sell things that meant something to them (to fit into base housing). There’s a lot of change.
Q: How did you handle being part of a dual-military family?
Mom and Dad were stationed in different places or deployed for a large part of my life. My mom went on 2 deployments and my dad went on 6 deployments. I mostly lived with my mom, but I would occasionally live with my dad for a few years. I’d bounce back and forth. I’m happy that we’re all together now!
Q: How did you handle deployments?
We would count down the days. Saying goodbye was hard because we didn’t know how long they would be deployed for. It could be longer or shorter.
Q: What would you tell children now?
Look around and enjoy what you see. Don’t pay attention to what you’ve lost. Pay attention to the future. You can do anything even if it seems like it’s hard because being a military kid will make you stronger!
Kids’ Turn San Diego applauds Taylor and other military children for their resilience, dedication to their parents, and the sacrifices they have made. We know how difficult it is for a child to move and change schools, leave friends, and experience a parent on deployment. At Kids’ Turn San Diego, our goal is to change family relationships in positive ways so children experiencing family separations and military transitions are happier. In our programs, both children and their parents participate. Children learn new ways to express their feelings and parents learn communication tools, so they are able to put their children first.
During this time of uncertainty with the coronavirus (COVID-19), take time to talk to your children or grandchildren and check in with them. The shift of having both parents’ home, being out of school, not being able to see friends, and the information spread throughout media can weigh heavily on a child. While we’re all socially isolating, take the opportunity to connect with your children. Here are our best tips for military parents to support your children:
Spending time. Deployments, pre-deployment work-ups, long hours at work, and Temporary Duty Assignments (TAD/TDY) are common military situations that keep parents away from their children. As we are homebound during this period, take a breather from your laptop and use this time to spend quality time with your military child or grandchild! Do fun physical training (PT) exercises together such as the “See 10, Do 10” push up challenge on social media or create an obstacle course or training regimen that you can all enjoy! Play hide and seek, board or video games with your child or simply spend time coloring and enjoying the time spent together. This is the time to strengthen your bond and be together as a family.
Talk to them. With COVID-19, Permanent Changes of Station (PCS) are on hold until mid-May. With all the stress of PCS moves, this may be the first year where you can talk to your military child about how they feel during PCS seasons. Ask your child how they feel when it’s PCS time. For younger children, you can have them draw a picture of the family during PCS season or provide pre-written words for them to choose from (ie: Happy, Excited, Anxious, Sad). Discuss these words with your military child and ask your child what could support them during this transitional period. Open up lines of communication between you and your military child so that they can feel more comfortable expressing their needs in the future. Listen to your children without giving advice or trying to solve their problems. Work WITH your children to come up with a plan that would help them through future transitions.
For those families that are due for PCS in 2020 and are currently on hold, it is imperative that children understand and are a part of conversations regarding the move. As suddenly as the PCS hold was placed, there is a possibility that the release of that hold will be just as abrupt. Continue the conversation with your children and allow them to be informed of the situation so that when a sudden move is required, they are more prepared.
Close quarters. Having the entire family in the home for an extended period of time can put stressors on any family, whether military or civilian. This may cause tension between parents or with children. Communication skills are vital in this situation. Practice utilizing the “I Statement” communication technique with your family members (both adults and children) and encourage their use of the practice as well. “I Statements” include: “I feel _____ when ____, please _____”. Talking with “I Statements” doesn’t come naturally. They are a skill. The important thing to remember with this skill is that this is a way to help your children express their feelings. It will also help you too.
As we are all living together without any breaks, regular check-ins (daily or every other day) can help alleviate some tension of being constantly in the home. They also provide the opportunity for family members to share their feelings or thoughts when they otherwise would not know how to do so.
Remember Taylor’s words: “Look around and enjoy what you see. Don’t pay attention to what you’ve lost. Pay attention to the future. You can do anything even if it seems like it’s hard because being a military kid will make you stronger!”
Kids’ Turn San Diego’s mission of “promoting, supporting and securing the well-being of children who are experiencing family separation” drives our desire to empower military-connected families to remain connected, to talk about their feelings and to honor each and every family member. Thank you all for your service!
Children may feel powerless and experience anxiety and worry about what is going to happen. In this unpredictable time, it is important to stick to a schedule. When children know what is happening, they feel more stable.
At Kids’ Turn San Diego, we believe that everyone has their own reality, and that no one’s reality is the same as anyone else’s. However, the coronavirus (COVID-19) is a public health reality that is impacting every one of us in some way or another. As of right now, the reality throughout San Diego County is that schools and colleges are closed, and children of all ages will be at home.
This is a scary time for everyone! There are so many unknowns. Here is what we know:
- COVID-19 is contagious and can spread through droplets in the air released when a sick person coughs or sneezes, and by being in contact with infected surfaces and touching your mouth, nose or eyes.
- You can protect yourself by washing your hands for 20 seconds throughout the day and before touching your mouth, nose or eyes. Use antibacterial gel of 60% alcohol content when washing hands is not possible.
- The CDC recommends avoiding large groups and gatherings and keeping a six-foot distance from others.
- Schools and colleges are closed for the next few weeks, at least, and children will be home.
- Many companies and jobs are transitioning to working remotely. So instead of going to work every day, many parents will be working from home.
Information about the coronavirus may be very scary for children. They may not understand what is happening, why they don’t get to go to school anymore, or whether they or someone they love will become sick.
Children may not know how to be a part of the solution. They may feel powerless and experience anxiety and worry about what is going to happen. This may result in your children wanting to be around you all the time or not wanting to leave your side. In this unpredictable time, it is important to stick to a schedule. When children know what is happening, they feel more stable.
The knowns above are a shared reality for each and every one of us. Our reality is that we are a community that is transitioning through this public health challenge.
But how do we explain this virus or public health challenge to our children? How do we help young ones to understand? This video makes the coronavirus easier to understand and highlights all the strategies for helping to protect yourself and our community from the spread of this virus.
There is some specific language about who could be most impacted, and the virus creature at the very end of the video may be a little scary for young children. If you are going to share this video with your children, we encourage you to watch it first. Then, after sharing it with your children, talk about it together and give your child the opportunity to say how they feel. Using “I statements” may help with the conversation. “I feel ____ after watching that video”. Depending on how the child feels, this is your starting point for the rest of the conversation. If you feel the same way, you could empathize with your child, such as “I feel the same way. What can we do together to reduce our ___?” This provides the opportunity for develop a wellness plan together.
As parents in a divorced family, this time is critical to put all your differences aside, no matter your conflict level or feelings towards each other. This public health challenge requires parents to put their children first. It is time to put all your histories and feelings aside, even if you are only able to make this commitment temporarily.
With schools closed for the next two weeks, children will be home. Children of divorced families have two homes, and most parenting plans probably do not address community health challenges and unexpected school closings. Tensions may be high and will probably escalate as parents decide how to move forward. Who will “watch” the children during the day? Will they go to a relative’s home or a friend’s house? What if one parent is healthy but required to work remotely from home and the other parent still has to work?
As parents, we plan for summers and school breaks but not for extended breaks without the option of taking children to parks or other public places. For now, as we try to prevent the spread of the coronavirus, the CDC recommends staying close to home to minimize risk of exposure.
It is your responsibility as a parent to protect your children, to be thoughtful and to communicate with your co-parent, regardless of how you may feel about them. Agree together to a plan that makes sense. We urge you not to argue over who will “watch” the child. Accept that if a parent is home and the other is not, this option probably makes sense for your child, as long as the parent at home is healthy.
We urge you to use your skills. Remember the ABCs of healthy communication: Actions (thoughts, feelings, beliefs) + Behaviors (how you behave, actions you take) = Choices (you get to choose the bridge between your actions and your behaviors). What path will you take? The path of “I’m angry so we’re doing it this way” or the path of “Let’s do what is right for OUR children”?
The choice is yours! We urge you to consider what your children will see or hear. Will they see and hear parents argue about childcare arrangements or how you are managing this public health challenge, or will they see and hear their parents working together and figuring things out for their children?
If you attended a program at Kids’ Turn San Diego, we encourage you to review your handbook to review the skills, strategies and techniques that may assist you during these times of potential tension and conflict.
We encourage every parent who is co-parenting a child to manage your own anxiety and fears around the coronavirus by talking with adults about your own feelings. Do you best to remain calm and answer your child’s questions. Look at the websites below to stay informed, or dial 211 on your phone with any general questions. For health-related questions or concerns, please contact your healthcare provider. At Kids’ Turn San Diego, we are monitoring this community health challenge daily and will implement changes to our programs as needed. Wash your hands often and stay healthy!
County of San Diego Epidemiology Unit – Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
California Department of Public Health, Immunization Branch – COVID-19
www.cdph.ca.gov/Programs/CID/DCDC/Pages/Immunization/nCOV2019.aspx
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention – COVID-19
www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html
World Health Organization – Coronavirus Disease (COVID-19) Outbreak
Valentine’s Day can be a difficult day for both children and parents going through divorce or experiencing a family separation.
Below are some helpful tips to show your children that they are – and will always be – your Valentine!
- Go on a date! Go on a “date” with your child for Valentine’s Day! Dress up and go to a restaurant, go to the park and eat ice-cream, or stay in and watch a movie. Spend that one-on-one time with each of your children (without other children or your significant other, if you have one). If you have multiple children, enjoy a favorite game together or make popcorn and watch movies in your pajamas. If your child is not with you on the actual Valentine’s Day, plan your date for another time in February. Your children will love this special time! Remember, when enjoying your time with your children this Valentine’s Day, take the opportunity to explain that Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate all kinds of love and that THEY are loved by YOU!
- Make valentines! Make valentines WITH your child! Encouraging your child to make valentines for people they love (including their other parent) will show them to be generous with their love. Help them create lists of everyone they want to send a Valentine’s wish and remember to include all their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and extended family members, regardless of how you may feel about these family members. If your children are writing names on Valentine’s Day cards for classmates, do it together! Ask your child about their classmates so they can tell you stories. Have them write the names on the cards and place stickers or other fun decorations. Or you can make special valentines from scratch for the special people in their lives! The key is to make the valentines WITH your children so that you lead by example and enjoy the activity with them!
- Children love seeing their parents getting along and being happy together. So if hanging out together on Valentine’s Day is about family time, then spending time together may be a great way to role model healthy family relationships. However, unless you and your co-parent are getting back together; refrain from using the word “date” if you go out as a family. Using words like “let’s go on a date” may confuse your children and give false hope that their parents will be getting back together. If there is a lot of conflict, it may be best to enjoy the holiday separately by doing things with your children when they are with you.
- For military families, if your spouse is deployed or away from the family for any reason, honor the parent-child relationship by helping your children make special Valentine’s Day cards for their other parent. When children learn to embrace military-related separations and to cherish their other parent during holidays, they learn that separation is temporary and that love lasts forever.
The new year brings new beginnings and opportunities to enjoy the present and provide hope for the future! The past holds memories — both good and bad — that can be remembered and cherished, but must not overtake our lives.
In order to live in the present, we must stop clinging to the past. If you entertain bitter thoughts, happy thoughts cannot find a place. As much as you have been hurt in the past, clinging to those memories can hold you back.
Forgiving the past is one way to release both yourself and the memories. Forgiving does not mean accepting. The act of forgiveness takes place in our mind and allows ourselves the opportunity to find peace. It has nothing to do with other people.
So, let go of the past and design your life in the present! Try reading and repeating these forgiveness affirmations every day to help live in the present and forgive.
- I live for the present and future and the past is gone.
- I am human and forgive myself for any mistakes I may have made.
- I move beyond forgiving myself and others and move towards compassion and kindness for all.
- I am forgiving, loving, gentle and kind.
- Each day is a new opportunity. Today is the first day of my new life.
The important thing is to take responsibility for your own life. No one else can do this for you! Each one of us designs our own life. We each make a decision—conscious or unconscious—about our thoughts and behaviors. Only you can control these! Sometimes we think others are controlling us, but ONLY YOU have control over your own thoughts and feelings.
Forgiving is not easy. It means letting go of things that didn’t go as planned. In a divorced family, it may mean letting go of your thoughts of “happily ever after,” your wedding vows, your vision of a lifetime of family being together at parties and holidays, or kissing your children good night every day. Forgiving is saying, “Even though my dreams didn’t happen, I am okay. My children are okay, my life is okay, and my past is okay.” Forgiving means moving forward, embracing your past, and accepting what was and what will be.
It’s your choice! You could choose to be stuck. You could choose to be angry at your co-parent forever. You could choose to hold a grudge for the end of your marriage or relationship. You could choose to engage in hurtful and unkind communication in front of your children. These are your choices, but they will have consequences. If you are a parent who chooses to be angry or engage in hurtful and unkind communication with your co-parent (or their new partner), this may damage your child’s long-term relationship with you and relationships with others. When engaging in these behaviors, you teach your children how to have ineffective and unhealthy relationships.
Forgiveness also means that you make positive choices. You can choose to be respectful with your co-parent and their new partner. Role-modeling respect teaches your children to be accepting of others, regardless of how you may feel or think about a situation. You can choose to prioritize your children and accept that they need both parents in their lives. You can choose to promote positive parent-child relationships, regardless of how you may think or feel.
As a divorced parent, feeling good is a choice you make. If you need help with it, seek the guidance of a friend or professional therapist. Your children, regardless of their ages, are not your friends or therapists.
As 2020 is upon us, take charge of the new decade! Make a resolution to forgive yourself and let go of the past. Embrace the present and be open to restructuring your concept of family and your dreams. As you walk the path of forgiveness, life becomes a new, clean slate on which you can be the best parent and co-parent possible.
We at Kids’ Turn San Diego believe in you and wish you a wonderful year!
Give the Gift of Happy Holidays to Your Kids
Holidays are filled with excitement, love, and hope! But the holidays can also be a stressful period, especially for children and families experiencing separation or divorce. Moving between homes, sharing the holiday with one parent while missing the other, or feeling forced to choose between their parents are all legitimate and stressful thoughts that children of divorced families may experience. Have the happiest holidays with these tips, through the eyes of How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
Did you know that Kids' Turn San Diego received their very first grant from The Dr. Seuss Foundation to help children experiencing family separation?
Don’t let the Grinch steal your child’s happiness! Keep the holidays festive and bright with these tips:
- Deck the halls and the walls!
Spend a day or evening decorating the house to reflect the holiday spirit! This will bring the warmth of the holiday into your home and allow your children to express their creativity and have ownership of their space. In Who-ville, the Whos decorate with joy, kindness and love in their heart. At Kids’ Turn San Diego, we wish the same for every child and family! No matter where your children will be this holiday season, remember to be positive, loving and kind at all times. It is very important to keep any negative feelings about your child’s other parent away from your child. Your children deserve to be loved and happy without the pressure of guilt. Even subtle comments like “I will really miss you this holiday week” or “I wish you were waking up at my house on Christmas morning” could result in your child wanting to take care of you and your feelings. When this happens, children feel guilty about enjoying time with their other parent. Be the parent with a heart that grows three sizes! Stay positive, loving and kind throughout the entire holiday season.
- Without spending a dime, the best gift is time!
Children in our programs tell us they wish their parents would put down their cell phones and spend time with them. Spending uninterrupted time with your children shows them that they are important to you. Put down your phone so your kids do not feel alone.
When thinking about holiday gifts, look through the eyes of child and be creative. There are so many amazing activities to do together inside and outside your home. Bake cookies, watch holiday movies or create decorations out of things around the house like newspaper, tinfoil or popcorn. Check out these 25 FREE holiday experiences or search Facebook Events for activities you and your children can enjoy together.
Your children deserve stress-free holidays — and so do YOU! Grab coffee with a friend, go to a museum or take a walk on the beach. If your children are not with you this holiday season, honor them by taking care of yourself while they are with their other parent. This will lead to happier holidays for your entire family!
- Taking care of your own heart is a big part!
Open your heart this holiday season and forgive yourself. Marriage is a life transition and for some, so is divorce. Over 50% of the population experiences it. It doesn’t make you a bad person or a failure.
This holiday season, be kind to yourself. Take time to sit and drink a hot beverage, read a book, hug someone, or close your eyes and relax.
The holidays are a great time for the entire family to remember the warmth of family, love, and happiness! It is a time to create beautiful memories to remember. As the Grinch so lovingly did, take a moment and let your heart grow three sizes this year. When a parent’s heart is full of love, children will feel happier and freer to enjoy every moment!
To keep the holidays festive and bright, allow yourself to be the light!
Happy Holidays from Kids' Turn San Diego!