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Tricks (or Treats!) for Co-Parenting on Halloween
Halloween is quickly approaching which means lots of sweet treats, crazy costumes, and family fun! However, if your family is experiencing divorce, Halloween may also be a stressful time as it starts the difficult question of, “how do we share the kids for the holidays?”. Whatever the decision there is not one parent who wins or loses! Your whole family can have a fun and spooktacular Halloween with these tricks to co-parenting on Halloween!
Being able to both accompany your children as they trick-or-treat is ideal for children in divorced families. If you choose to share the night together, here are some tricks to remember:
1. Put your child first!
Being around your co-parent can bring out complicated thoughts and feelings. Despite these emotions, remember that successful co-parenting occurs when each parent values how important it is to put their child first! Take time to listen to what your child wants to do. Maybe they want to trick-or-treat with their friends, or dress up and parade around the house. Halloween is a holiday for the kids to have fun! If it’s possible, for the one night, put aside your own feelings and make decisions with your child in mind first.
2. Make decisions ahead of time.
One of the most important things to avoid on Halloween is arguing in front of your children. Show your children that you and your co-parent can cooperate! This means that you’ll want to figure out how the night will go ahead of time. Things to consider are what time you’ll meet up, what neighborhood you’ll be going to, how long you’ll stay out for, and who your child goes home with at the end of the night. Making these decisions ahead of time will help make the rest of the night flow smoothly!
3. Enjoy the night!
Children pick up on tension and stress easily, so it is important for you to relax and enjoy the night as well! Take pictures of your child in their costume, hold their hand as you walk around, and simply let yourself enjoy the quality time you are getting with your child. Yes, your co-parent may be with you as well but that does not have to change the fun that your child has, or that you have. By doing this, you send a message to your child that says, “We love you and are committed to making you happy! We can put aside our issues for you.”
Not all cases are the same, so if you would rather choose to split the day or alternate which of you is with the children each year, here are some ideas on how to handle your Halloween:
1. Leave the Choosing to the Parents
Do not force your child to choose between one parent or the other. Putting your child in the position of choosing parents can be emotionally distressing so do not set them up for disappointment or unnecessary stress. Your child comes from both you and your co-parent, so they love you both! Talk to your co-parent to decide who will have your child at what time/year/days. If this seems difficult, you can always reach out for professional help!
2. Create new traditions!
Just because you do not have your kids on Halloween night does not mean the fun ends. Create a new tradition with your kids! Halloween events occur throughout all of October. Maybe your business throws a Halloween party that you can take your kids to? Does your community host any trunk or treat events, or pumpkin patches? Could you find a day to watch Halloween movies and decorate the house together? Halloween is not limited to one day. Your child will feel lucky that they get to celebrate Halloween more than once, and you will both get to bond during this quality time together!
3. Share the highlights.
Send photos of your children in their costumes to your co-parent. Let your children know you are doing this, as it is a kind gesture that will feel good to your children. If you’re the parent getting the picture, when you see your children, make sure you tell them how much you loved their costume! Stay engaged with your child and ask them about how the night went or what their favorite parts were. These simple actions can help your children feel more comfortable and confident about your family’s divorce because they’ll know you are still part of their life.
We hope these tricks help make Halloween a treat for your entire family! Remember that using a creative and kid centered approach to sharing holidays can make even the most complicated situations a success. Happy Halloween!
Over one year into the pandemic, it's normal to have questions and uncertainties as life begins to shift again. Here we share our answers to the most common questions we're hearing from co-parents in our Family Workshops for Separated and Divorced Families.
We have just passed the one year mark of living through the COVID-19 pandemic. I remember having so many questions at this time last year, thinking that we would be out of work for a couple of months, max, and worried about buying toilet paper, getting a thermometer that actually worked properly and finding disinfecting wipes and anti-bacterial hand gel. It was a scary time!
And here we are — one year later. No matter who or where you are, there is one thing we all share: We have all been impacted by COVID in one way or another!
As life begins to shift again, our questions are real and important. Our thoughts and feelings are valid, even if others think or feel differently. If you’re anxious, worried or even scared sometimes, you are NORMAL!
In this past year, disinfecting wipes and hand gel became my new best friends. If you need hand gel, I am the one to ask. This is my new reality and surprisingly, the reality of many others. But not everyone is this way. Some people socialize with others without masks or social distancing or say “no thank you” when you offer them a squirt of hand gel. This thinking is very different than mine, and I don’t understand it.
One thing I do understand is that I have no control over anyone else!
At Kids’ Turn San Diego, 506 parents and their 323 children have attended our Family Workshops since the pandemic began. We have heard a lot of questions. Here are the top seven.
I hope so! Studies are showing that the COVID-19 vaccines are effective at protecting you against COVID-19 and from becoming seriously sick if you do get it. I am vaccinated, and although I was hesitant at first and continue to wear masks and to use disinfecting wipes and hand gel regularly, I feel safer and relieved that I am vaccinated. The other people in my home are waiting to get appointments. We will all feel a little safer and relieved that we took another step to protect ourselves and others. When I was undecided, I talked with my doctor and asked for their recommendation. Talk with your doctor if you have questions.
These are difficult decisions. Some parents have reached out to the courts and were disappointed when their case was not heard, while others took the path of claiming that the other parent is intentionally putting the children at risk. If parents cannot agree, you may want to consider a conversation with your child’s doctor. If your child is sick and has to go to the doctor, you would treat the illness with the medicine provided so that your child would get better. So, if you’re unsure, go with the doctor’s recommendation. The best thing for your children is for their parents to decide together. This shows your children that you are a united front when it comes to them, and that you have their best interest at the forefront of all decisions.
Remember: YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR CHILD’S OTHER HOUSE. You will never know the reason why, so challenge yourself to let go of your worry. Instead, focus on what you can control. For example, when your children return to your home, take their temperatures, have them change their clothes, have them take a shower or bath, have them wash their hands, or wear a mask around them. (I know this sounds silly, but YOU have the power to protect yourself by wearing a mask). Get creative with your children and create a return plan together. It will be easier to implement if your children help create the plan.
Only time will tell, but the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the people who know way more about COVID-19 than any of us are saying yes. So, if you are comfortable, send your children to school. If you’re not comfortable, remote learning has been going on for a year and you and your children are probably pretty good at it by now. If it’s working and makes you all feel better, make arrangements with the school.
Again, only time will tell what the summer holds for all of us. Talk with your children. If they want to return to these activities, talk about how they will take care of themselves. Because there are so many unknowns, I encourage you to pay deposits only and hold off on paying full fees until you are sure that the opportunity will be happening.
The CDC and our local health department has been making decisions based on the number of COVID cases and positive test rates. The numbers are decreasing as more people are getting vaccinated. Talk with your place of employment. Maybe you can work remotely on some days and at the office on others. When it comes to the question of who will stay with your children while you’re at work, consider your co-parent. Are they still working remotely? Collaborating on a temporary plan related to children being at home and parents needing to work is a great idea. Use “I statements” to work on the details. Think of it as a business transaction so that there are no emotions tied to the conversation. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve heard a parent say no to hanging out with their children when they are home and available, so this is a great idea (and it doesn’t cost you any money)!
We’re hearing a lot about children as young as seven having panic attacks since they returned to school. The best thing you can do is to reassure them and ask them what they need to feel safe and secure. Maybe they need to take a picture of you with them. Maybe their favorite stuffed animal needs to travel in their backpack. Maybe they need to hear from their parents that your expectations of them are to have fun and to engage with their friends — and if they can learn, too, that would be great! Children are worried about not meeting the teacher’s expectations, so set clear parent expectations to help them relax and feel better. If your child continues to feel anxious, request a conversation with the teacher. They have been living through the pandemic, too, and may need a reminder of what your child needs to be successful in the classroom. Also, structure and calendars work great to help reduce anxiety in children. Create a family calendar that shows which days your child is at each parent’s home, at-school days and remote learning days, weekends, events and activities. Add birthdays too. Knowing how to use a calendar is a life skill, so this is a great opportunity to teach it to your child. Get creative with stickers and colors and make it fun!
We’re here for you at Kids’ Turn San Diego. We wish you the best of luck as we all navigate these uncharted waters!
When it comes to spending time with our kids, the activity is less important than the quality of the time together!
Many of us have been spending more time at home than ever — but are we truly connecting, engaging and sharing with each other, especially our children?
Parents are trying hard to keep up with work amid the distractions at home, but children are also struggling with this new arrangement. They need our attention and time.
Parents are busy, but intentionally carving out quality time together can help.
Quality time doesn’t have to be complicated, and it doesn’t have to cost money. Even small moments can be a source of connection with our children. Check out our ideas below for how we can spend more quality time with our kids while staying safer at home.
Ages 5-7
- Have a dance party
- Color together
- Play Hide and seek
- Play Candyland
- Play tic-tac-toe
- Do arts and crafts
- Decorate your home with pictures you draw together
- Read together
- Make cards for family and friends
- Create a scavenger hunt for things around the house
- Paint with watercolors
Ages 8-11
- Play “Go Fish”
- Play charades
- Play Pictionary
- Watch a movie together
- Play the Guess the Feeling game
- Make pizza or mac and cheese and eat together
- Play video games together (in moderation)
- Bake cookies together
- Make and enjoy smoothies together
- Ride bikes together
- Have a dance or sing-a-long party
Ages 12+
- Watch their favorite show with them
- Play board games
- Cook a recipe and eat together
- Go for a walk together
- Go for a drive to pick up special takeout or a treat
- Give yourselves manicures or pedicures together
- Make tie-dye shirts together
- Listen to each other’s music
- Create a family picture album together
- Do something fun that your teen enjoyed when they were younger, like coloring hard-boiled eggs, cutting out snowflakes or drawing together
As parents, sometimes we get so caught up in being adults or parents that we forget how to get down on the floor and play, or that dance parties and sing-a-longs are fun. When it comes to spending time with our kids, the activity is less important than the quality of the time together! Find your inner child and make the most of being at home with your children. No one is watching, so let yourself have some fun. You deserve it!
Often it's enough to just spend time together, talking, listening, and being close.
- Spending time together. As we are required to be at home much more than usual, take a breather from your laptop and take the opportunity to spend quality time with your child! Do fun physical exercises together such as the #60second punches or the “See 10, do 10” challenge on social media. You can even create an obstacle course that you can all enjoy! Play hide and seek or board or video games, or simply spend the time coloring and allowing your mind to relax. For teens who have TikTok, collaborate with them by practicing and filming a TikTok dance challenge. Your cool points will definitely go up! This is the time to strengthen your bond and be together as a family.
- Talk to them. With COVID-19, the summer of 2020 is full of uncertainties that children may not understand. Ask your children how they feel or if they have questions. For younger children, you can have them draw pictures of your family doing fun things together or create poems or stories about how they may be feeling. A few feeling words could be: happy, excited, anxious, worried or sad. Discuss the stories, poems or words with your child and ask your child if there is anything that would help make summer more fun. For older children, ask them what they think about current events and listen to their thoughts and feelings. Open up lines of communication between you and your child so that they can feel more comfortable expressing themselves now and in the future. Listen to your children without giving advice or trying to solve their problems. Work WITH your children to brainstorm and create a list or plan of fun things that they could do on their own or with you throughout the rest of the summer.
- Navigate close quarters. Having the entire family in the home for an extended period of time can put stress on any family. This may cause tension between parents or with children. Communication skills are vital in this situation. Practice using the “I Statement” communication technique with your family members. It works well with both adults and children. Regular check-ins (daily or every other day) can help alleviate some tension of being constantly in the home as well. “I Statements” are “I feel ______ when ______, please ______.”
- Chalk the Walk. Create beautiful chalk art on your driveway or neighborhood sidewalk to inspire your community. All that’s needed is sidewalk chalk and imagination!
- Visit a virtual museum like the San Diego Children’s Discovery Museum.
- Volunteer together! Check out opportunities here.
Written by: Sue Clark, Kids’ Turn San Diego Group Leader and Retired Teacher
As businesses are slowly re-opening and you may be out and about with your children, they will notice everyone wearing a face mask, some people will be wearing gloves, and they may see protests or people walking around with signs. Children may struggle to understand or cope. These internal struggles will most commonly be seen through an increase in emotional outbursts or behavior problems.
My daughter asked me to help her with organizing distance learning for her two teenage sons and 10 year old daughter while she and her husband worked from home. As a retired teacher, I was thrilled to help. I worked several times a week with our 10 year old granddaughter and was allowed to virtually enter into her new world of sheltering in place. It sure made me realize how difficult this new reality was for a family trying to work together amid so many new transitions.
As a grandparent, my message to my adult children is simple: “I love my Zoom time with my granddaughter, so when you need a short time to catch your breath, you can count on me! I may need help to learn at first, and I may need some technical assistance the first few times. But I want to learn, I want to help my granddaughter, and I want to help you! Let me help you catch your breath!”
As a retired teacher, I oftentimes look at resources related to children and learning. During a call with my daughter, she shared with me some information from the Child Mind Institute sent from a school principal on how to deal with behavior problems brought on by pandemic-related transitions in our lives. The article started with one very important question:
How are your children coping with these new transitions brought on by school and sports shutdowns, social distancing and social unrest?
Here are my thoughts: As businesses are slowly re-opening and you may be out and about with your children, they will notice everyone wearing a face mask, some people will be wearing gloves, and they may see protests or people walking around with signs. Children may struggle to understand or cope. These internal struggles will most commonly be seen through an increase in emotional outbursts or behavior problems.
When children have frequent emotional outbursts, it can be a sign that they haven’t yet developed the skills they need to cope with feelings like frustration, anxiety, and anger. Other children may seem to struggle more with boundaries and following rules. They may be defiant, ignore instructions or try to talk their way out of things that aren’t optional.
Coping requires impulse control, emotional self-regulation, problem-solving and being able to communicate one’s wishes and needs to others. Parents can aid in the process of helping children cope and learn to develop internal strengths that will help them navigate challenging times. For example, remember, children mimic their parents. If observing a protest, try to calmly adjust to your environment and answer your children’s questions in a factual way. This is an opportunity to educate them and to ask them what they think may be going on or, for older children, what they know about the protests or how they think or feel about them. Another encounter may occur when you’re in the store and someone sneezes. With the sneeze, you may be more fearful than your child so try and manage your own feelings. If you find yourself needing to say something, saying something simple like, “I’m glad we are wearing masks because that person just sneezed. The person is probably not sick but wearing masks will help keep us safe and healthy.”
Remember, it is normal right now to feel uneasy or worried about our community and how things will look in the future. To help your children during these times, be consistent, give warnings about transition times and turn off the TV/social media/devices when your children want to talk with you. This is a time to open your ears and truly listen to your children.
Here are some tips for helping children have days full of positive behaviors and happy smiles:
- Set clear expectations and write them out together. When children are given the chance to help create the expectations, they are more likely to follow them. We encourage you to make this a fun activity by inviting everyone to sit together, telling your children what you hope to accomplish, like “I asked everyone to come together because I’d like us to create new family rules/summer rules/no school rules—you can even create a new name together—so we all know who is responsible for doing what and when things need to be done.” Be positive and make it fun. “Let’s start with the easy things.” Start with rules/expectations you already have that everyone is already following and go from there. Encourage your children to brainstorm, like, “What needs to be done in the kitchen? Bathroom?” Remember that your children do not always know what you want or how you expect them to behave, so it is important to communicate your expectations.
- Schedule breaks for your children and yourself. Children respond best when they have breaks. We encourage you to be creative — snacks, water, jumping jacks, or a brainstorming session with your children about what movie to watch tonight or what book to read.
- Remember, children mimic their parents. No matter where you are or what you are doing, try to calmly adjust to your environment and answer your children’s questions in a factual way. Remain calm and model the behavior you want. It is also helpful to go into the room to talk with your child and avoid calling out from a distance.
- If your child is having a bad day, focus on what they are doing well and less on what they are doing wrong. Before commenting, it is best to wait until a meltdown or tantrum is over. As long as your child is in a safe place, it is okay to ignore these types of behaviors and pay attention for anything positive and then comment on the positive behavior. For example, if your child is refusing to do their math homework but is willing to work on spelling, forget about the math for now and praise your child for their spelling skills and how much you like it when they ask you for help with spelling.
- If you notice that your child has a hard time with a specific activity or situation, this may be a trigger of some emotion or behavior. It may be helpful to notice or think about what generally happens before that behavior and what may be triggering the emotional response. Noticing and understanding what may be causing the behavior may help you anticipate the trigger and hopefully prevent those behaviors from happening. If you do notice a consistent trigger for emotions and/or behaviors, try increasing communication around transition time and see if you notice anything different. Sometimes seeking professional assistance is helpful.
- Let kids have a choice. Do you want to shower before or after dinner? Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the green shirt? When giving choices, make sure you are okay with both options, otherwise you may be setting your child up for a lifetime of thinking they always make the wrong decisions or choices.
- When transitions are coming, provide a countdown for the transitions. “We have 20 more minutes here and then let’s start packing up.” Making a schedule together or using a calendar teaches your children how to prepare for change and transition.
- Learn to communicate with your children by listening to them. Let them express their feelings and ask questions that elicit a response other than a yes or no answer. However, be cautious about not asking too many questions. When your child gets home from school, instead of asking about homework first thing, maybe try, “What was the best part of your day today?” Listen and share something about your day. If there is a schedule for homework time, when that time is approaching, you could say, “Homework time starts in 10 minutes. About how much do you have tonight?”
- Teach your children to be kind and helpful by role modeling through your own kind and helpful behaviors. For example, when you see someone who is homeless, if you would typically judge them for how they look or what they’re doing, instead teach your child empathy. “Looks like that person may be really struggling. I hope they are healthy and have a place to sleep at night.”
- Try to remain positive in these difficult times, so your children will be upbeat and positive. It’s okay to tell your children every now and then that you are having a tough day and need to take a time out. Children learn that parents struggle sometimes too and you’re teaching them that time-outs help people settle down and refocus.
- Create routines. Children feel safest and most secure when there are routines and they know what to expect.
- Use rewards and lots of praise. Praise them every day and thank them when they praise you for something. Also, remember to encourage your children too. Say “You got this,” or “I know this homework is really challenging, but let’s do it together until we figure it out.” Encouraging your children shows them that you believe in them.
- Spend time engaging with your children every day so that they have quality time with you. Quality time is when your children feel heard and understood. Ask questions that require a response versus a yes or no answer. Questions could be, “Tell me about ___” or “What was the best part of your day today?” Whether you see your children every day or a couple times a week, put everything else aside and make your time about your children. Even if homework needs to be done, do a little, take a break and do something together and then get back to the homework. The breaks may be totally unrelated to homework or perhaps make the homework more fun by putting the alphabet, multiplication tables or biology terminology to song or dance. Your children will appreciate your flexibility and you will find homework time to go smoother and maybe even faster.
Children with parents in the military navigate unique challenges and frequent changes. Kids' Turn San Diego is here to support families through transitions and separations.
In honor of April, the Month of the Military Child, Kids’ Turn San Diego interviewed 12-year-old Taylor, the daughter of a dual-military couple, to get a glimpse into the life of a military child.
Q: What are some issues that you think military children specifically go through?
A: Some of the issues that military children specifically go through are moving to different schools, meeting new friends, leaving old friends, and getting rid of a lot of stuff that you’ve gotten attached to in order to fit in your new house.
Q: How do you think being a child in the military helped you?
I’m able to overcome difficulties and adjust to my surroundings. I’ve moved to so many places and I’m used to the different climates and situations. It’s easier for me to make friends and leave things behind.
Q: What would you like the public to know about military children?
It’s really hard on kids. They have the hardest lives because they move a lot, leave their friends and pets behind, and sometimes they have to sell things that meant something to them (to fit into base housing). There’s a lot of change.
Q: How did you handle being part of a dual-military family?
Mom and Dad were stationed in different places or deployed for a large part of my life. My mom went on 2 deployments and my dad went on 6 deployments. I mostly lived with my mom, but I would occasionally live with my dad for a few years. I’d bounce back and forth. I’m happy that we’re all together now!
Q: How did you handle deployments?
We would count down the days. Saying goodbye was hard because we didn’t know how long they would be deployed for. It could be longer or shorter.
Q: What would you tell children now?
Look around and enjoy what you see. Don’t pay attention to what you’ve lost. Pay attention to the future. You can do anything even if it seems like it’s hard because being a military kid will make you stronger!
Kids’ Turn San Diego applauds Taylor and other military children for their resilience, dedication to their parents, and the sacrifices they have made. We know how difficult it is for a child to move and change schools, leave friends, and experience a parent on deployment. At Kids’ Turn San Diego, our goal is to change family relationships in positive ways so children experiencing family separations and military transitions are happier. In our programs, both children and their parents participate. Children learn new ways to express their feelings and parents learn communication tools, so they are able to put their children first.
During this time of uncertainty with the coronavirus (COVID-19), take time to talk to your children or grandchildren and check in with them. The shift of having both parents’ home, being out of school, not being able to see friends, and the information spread throughout media can weigh heavily on a child. While we’re all socially isolating, take the opportunity to connect with your children. Here are our best tips for military parents to support your children:
Spending time. Deployments, pre-deployment work-ups, long hours at work, and Temporary Duty Assignments (TAD/TDY) are common military situations that keep parents away from their children. As we are homebound during this period, take a breather from your laptop and use this time to spend quality time with your military child or grandchild! Do fun physical training (PT) exercises together such as the “See 10, Do 10” push up challenge on social media or create an obstacle course or training regimen that you can all enjoy! Play hide and seek, board or video games with your child or simply spend time coloring and enjoying the time spent together. This is the time to strengthen your bond and be together as a family.
Talk to them. With COVID-19, Permanent Changes of Station (PCS) are on hold until mid-May. With all the stress of PCS moves, this may be the first year where you can talk to your military child about how they feel during PCS seasons. Ask your child how they feel when it’s PCS time. For younger children, you can have them draw a picture of the family during PCS season or provide pre-written words for them to choose from (ie: Happy, Excited, Anxious, Sad). Discuss these words with your military child and ask your child what could support them during this transitional period. Open up lines of communication between you and your military child so that they can feel more comfortable expressing their needs in the future. Listen to your children without giving advice or trying to solve their problems. Work WITH your children to come up with a plan that would help them through future transitions.
For those families that are due for PCS in 2020 and are currently on hold, it is imperative that children understand and are a part of conversations regarding the move. As suddenly as the PCS hold was placed, there is a possibility that the release of that hold will be just as abrupt. Continue the conversation with your children and allow them to be informed of the situation so that when a sudden move is required, they are more prepared.
Close quarters. Having the entire family in the home for an extended period of time can put stressors on any family, whether military or civilian. This may cause tension between parents or with children. Communication skills are vital in this situation. Practice utilizing the “I Statement” communication technique with your family members (both adults and children) and encourage their use of the practice as well. “I Statements” include: “I feel _____ when ____, please _____”. Talking with “I Statements” doesn’t come naturally. They are a skill. The important thing to remember with this skill is that this is a way to help your children express their feelings. It will also help you too.
As we are all living together without any breaks, regular check-ins (daily or every other day) can help alleviate some tension of being constantly in the home. They also provide the opportunity for family members to share their feelings or thoughts when they otherwise would not know how to do so.
Remember Taylor’s words: “Look around and enjoy what you see. Don’t pay attention to what you’ve lost. Pay attention to the future. You can do anything even if it seems like it’s hard because being a military kid will make you stronger!”
Kids’ Turn San Diego’s mission of “promoting, supporting and securing the well-being of children who are experiencing family separation” drives our desire to empower military-connected families to remain connected, to talk about their feelings and to honor each and every family member. Thank you all for your service!
Valentine’s Day can be a difficult day for both children and parents going through divorce or experiencing a family separation.
Below are some helpful tips to show your children that they are – and will always be – your Valentine!
- Go on a date! Go on a “date” with your child for Valentine’s Day! Dress up and go to a restaurant, go to the park and eat ice-cream, or stay in and watch a movie. Spend that one-on-one time with each of your children (without other children or your significant other, if you have one). If you have multiple children, enjoy a favorite game together or make popcorn and watch movies in your pajamas. If your child is not with you on the actual Valentine’s Day, plan your date for another time in February. Your children will love this special time! Remember, when enjoying your time with your children this Valentine’s Day, take the opportunity to explain that Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate all kinds of love and that THEY are loved by YOU!
- Make valentines! Make valentines WITH your child! Encouraging your child to make valentines for people they love (including their other parent) will show them to be generous with their love. Help them create lists of everyone they want to send a Valentine’s wish and remember to include all their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and extended family members, regardless of how you may feel about these family members. If your children are writing names on Valentine’s Day cards for classmates, do it together! Ask your child about their classmates so they can tell you stories. Have them write the names on the cards and place stickers or other fun decorations. Or you can make special valentines from scratch for the special people in their lives! The key is to make the valentines WITH your children so that you lead by example and enjoy the activity with them!
- Children love seeing their parents getting along and being happy together. So if hanging out together on Valentine’s Day is about family time, then spending time together may be a great way to role model healthy family relationships. However, unless you and your co-parent are getting back together; refrain from using the word “date” if you go out as a family. Using words like “let’s go on a date” may confuse your children and give false hope that their parents will be getting back together. If there is a lot of conflict, it may be best to enjoy the holiday separately by doing things with your children when they are with you.
- For military families, if your spouse is deployed or away from the family for any reason, honor the parent-child relationship by helping your children make special Valentine’s Day cards for their other parent. When children learn to embrace military-related separations and to cherish their other parent during holidays, they learn that separation is temporary and that love lasts forever.