Understanding ADHD: Walk in My Shoes and Gain Perspective on the Most Common Myths

October is known for Halloween festivities, but did you know that it is also the official month for Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Awareness? Many children and adults live with ADHD, as it is very common. This poem tells it all:


Take my hand and come with me,

I want to teach you about ADHD.

I need you to know, I want to explain,

I have a very different brain.

Sights, sounds, and thoughts collide.

What to do first? I can’t decide.

Please understand I’m not to blame,

I just can’t process things the same.

 

Take my hand and walk with me,

Let me show you about ADHD.

I try to behave, I want to be good,

But I sometimes forget to do as I should.

Walk with me and wear my shoes,

You’ll see it’s not the way I’d choose.

I do know what I’m supposed to do,

But my brain is slow getting the message through.

 

Take my hand and talk with me,

I want to tell you about ADHD.

I rarely think before I talk,

I often run when I should walk.

It’s hard to get my school work done,

My thoughts are outside having fun.

I never know just where to start,

I think with my feelings and see with my heart.

 

Take my hand and stand by me,

I need you to know about ADHD.

It’s hard to explain but I want you to know,

I can’t help letting my feelings show.

Sometimes I’m angry, jealous, or sad.

I feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and mad.

I can’t concentrate and I lose all my stuff.

I try really hard but it’s never enough.

 

Take my hand and learn with me,

We need to know more about ADHD.

I worry a lot about getting things wrong,

Everything I do takes twice as long.

Everyday is exhausting for me…

Looking through the fog of ADHD.

I’m often so misunderstood,

I would change in a heartbeat if I could.

 

Take my hand and listen to me,

I want to share a secret about ADHD.

I want you to know there is more to me.

I’m not defined by it, you see.

I’m sensitive, kind and lots of fun.

I’m blamed for things I haven’t done.

I’m the loyalist friend you’ll ever know,

I just need a chance to let it show.

 

Take my hand and look at me,

Just forget about the ADHD.

I have real feelings just like you.

The love in my heart is just as true.

I may have a brain that can never rest,

But please understand I’m trying my best.

I want you to know, I need you to see,

I’m more than the label, I am still me!!!!

Author Unknown


This poem speaks the truth about people living with ADHD. I hope you will always remember the last line of the poem, “I’m more than a label, I am still me!!!!” because ADHD does not define a person. Instead, ADHD is a behavioral condition that can make everyday routines and tasks more challenging for people who have ADHD. By the way, if you had it as a child, you probably still have it as an adult but hopefully you learned strategies over the years to manage your energy and have put systems in place to keep you focused and organized. Here are some tips for helping children manage ADHD challenges.  

1. Provide clear, consistent expectations, directions, and limits. Children with ADHD are most successful when the adults in their lives are consistent. In divorced families, there are oftentimes different rules and structure at each home. For example, one parent may have bedtimes, homework time and dinner time, while the other parent may avoid rules and structure and go with the flow when their children are with them. Different rules in different houses can be challenging for all children in divorced families but most children easily adjust and transition from one set of rules to the other. However, for children with ADHD, the adjustment and transition may not be so easy. If your child has ADHD, we encourage you to read the poem again and take a walk in your child’s shoes. Children with ADHD respond well to structure, so rules and charts are a great tool for success. Break activities down and give one direction at a time. Praise your child and encourage them to be successful. Charts with stickers for success are fun for elementary age children and, believe it or not, even older children like to gain rewards, so be creative with your older children.

2. If a doctor has prescribed ADHD medications, follow the doctor’s order. Children who have been prescribed ADHD medications are most successful when their medications are taken as prescribed. In divorced families, oftentimes parents are not on the same page about ADHD medications. What does this look like? Here’s the visual. . .our child gets their medications during the first and third weeks of the month when they are with me but they do not take the medications on weeks two and four because their other parent doesn’t believe in giving medications, and probably doesn’t believe in the ADHD diagnosis.  As with all other medications, ADHD medications need to be given consistently to work effectively and to avoid negative effects to the child. The medications are prescribed to help a child focus. If you don’t think your child needs the medications or you don’t believe in the diagnosis, we encourage you to read the poem again. Is this your child?  If co-parents disagree, talk to the doctors and get on the same page. It is not fair, nor is it healthy, for your child to be on and off medications.

3. Boost your child’s confidence. Children with ADHD may receive lots of negative feedback from others in their lives, including teachers, parents, coaches, and peers. Every negative comment hurts their heart and may negatively impact their self-esteem. Read the poem again and share it with everyone in your child’s life. Your child deserves to be understood and treated with respect at all times. As your child’s parent, ensure your child has positive interactions and hears the word “yes” way more than they hear “no”. Spend time with your child and engage in activities that strengthen and build your child’s self-esteem. Schedule fun outings with your child, praise your child for big and small successes, acknowledge your child’s strengths, and tell your child how much you love them!

Here are some tips for parents:

  1. Don’t waste your emotional energy on self blame. You may have experienced negative experiences where people shame or blame you for your child’s behaviors. Remember, ADHD is not a result of poor parenting. ADHD is a behavioral condition that has to do with the structure of your child’s brain. When you feel overwhelmed, take a moment to breathe and remember your child’s love at the center of it all. You can join a support group and seek professional help to ensure you are your best self for your child. There are also lots of social media sites that you may find helpful.
  2. Educate yourself and become your child’s best advocate. The best way to help your child is to take time to learn all you can about ADHD. Know how ADHD specifically affects your child, as every child is different, and be able to speak up for your child’s rights! Here are some common ADHD myths that you may find helpful:

 

MYTH #1

ADHD is not real. People are just lazy.

REALITY

ADHD can look like an excuse for laziness, but those with ADHD actually have a problem with the chemical dynamics in their brain. This is why it is important to check for ADHD and receive medication. Read the section of the poem “Take my hand and walk with me”.

MYTH #2

Only boys can have ADHD.

REALITY

Boys are statistically diagnosed with ADHD about three time as often as girls, but about 4.2% of girls do receive a diagnosis at some point in their life. Women and girls tend to be less likely to be properly diagnosed with ADHD due to gender bias and variation in symptoms. Girls often have the inattentive type of ADHD, so they do not always fit the typical picture of a hyper child with ADHD. ADHD looks different in everyone. When someone experiences difficulty paying attention, impulsivity, and poor time management, they may have ADHD.

MYTH #3

I should hide my child’s ADHD to prevent labeling and discrimination.

REALITY

It is difficult to decide whether you should disclose your child’s ADHD. There is no need to tell everyone about your child’s ADHD, but hiding it can be emotionally distressing for you and your child, and may make it difficult to get proper treatment. Secrecy can also foster more shame. ADHD is nothing to be shameful about or to blame yourself. Think of it as a behavioral condition your child has and forget about stigma and labels. Be your child’s advocate and help them stand up for what they need to be successful.

MYTH #4

Everyone has a little ADHD.

REALITY

People may experience some symptoms of ADHD, but that does not mean they have ADHD. Not everyone has a physical difference in their brain. While saying comments about ADHD may seem to be normalizing the condition, it can actually be hurtful and dismissive of the real struggles those with ADHD go through. Refer back to the poem and read it often. The more you read it, the more you will understand!

As co-parents, the best thing you can do for your child is to communicate and cooperate because, at the end of the day, you love your child above all else and your child loves both of their parents. To learn more about October ADHD Awareness Month check out the official ADHD Awareness website!

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