What does DIVORCE mean to you? Devastation, Indecision, Victory Or Remorse, Children, Empowered? Are you stuck or moving forward? Do you feel miserable or grateful? Do you choose peace or power?

I recently attended a grounding and connection circle and they played a video of The Bengsons singing their song “Hope Comes”. The lyrics, “So gather up your sinew and gather up your faction. Hope is not a feeling; hope is an action” resonated with me. 

If hope is an action, then is that why, so often, in high conflict divorces people feel stuck? If hope is an action and we feel bogged down by anger and grief, attorney fees, splitting our finances that once provided nicely into barely providing, or stuck in the actions that led to the separation or divorce resulting in more anger and grief and feeling disempowered by our circumstances or situations, is this why we’re stuck? Is this why so many lose track of choosing peace? Is this why our hearts hurt and cry for help but we shut out the help or deny ourselves the joy of healing?

I don’t know the answer, but when we see hope as an action, it means we get to choose. It means we get to decide our next step. We get to take our own personal action. We get to step into finding peace within our hearts. Peace within may result in hope and positive action outside of our hearts. It may mean you choose to stop the fight, to listen and really hear what your children and co-parent say. Using your active listening skills and listening with intention. Peace within may mean considering your co-parent’s requests for connections with your shared children and/or their requests for time and involvement as they want to be a good parent. We invite you to consider choosing gratitude that your children exist because they have two parents who love them – who want to watch them grow, who want to sit in hope for a happy and healthy positive and bright future. Hope is an action, and you get to choose it. 

Remember, you have no power or control over others. You only have power and control over yourself and you get to choose your words, actions and behaviors. 

 I encourage you to listen to The Bengsons’ song “Hope Comes” then reflect on the words.

A happy life, even in a divorced family, is possible! Remember, “hope is an action”.